Adventure to Ugg

New story! Hope you enjoy this one, in all its spontaneity and insanity!

Katherine sat absolutely still in her desk, mouth slightly ajar and chin propped up by her arm, her eyes gazing forward toward the front of the classroom. However, she saw nothing of the front of the classroom. Everything before her fell into a black hole, leaving nothing for her eyes to see. Had she come to her senses and looked around, though, she might have found that the other students were in similar states, though perhaps more attentive to the teacher’s instructions than she was.

That said, it took her by complete surprise when the door to the classroom burst open. She jumped, holding onto her desk for dear life as her heart raced faster than an Olympic track star. She stared at the doorway, eyes wide as dinner plates as the strangest man she had ever seen rushed into the room.

His beard stretched down to his belts, one of which held up his cargo pants, and the other of which completed his lilac bathrobe. He then wore a suit and tie, and also goggles over his eyes.

“Quick, Katherine!” he said. “We need you to save the wooooooorld!”

He dashed back outside, arms flailing like noodles as he went.

Katherine looked around, to see how any of the rest of the class had reacted to this sudden intrusion. But no one seemed to have noticed a thing. The teacher continued in the drawling voice that had rendered her comatose in the first place, and the students stared forward like corpses. Katherine stood. No one stopped her. And then she ran out into the hallway.

“You came!” exclaimed the eccentric. “Now quick, put these on!”

He held out a pair of goggles identical to his own. Katherine took them tentatively.

“But wait – who are you? What’s going on?” she asked.

“Why, I’m Walt, Master of All Magics and Galactic Wizard.” As he said this, his voice suddenly grew deep and his eyes burst into flames. But the next instant he was back to normal. Or, at least, whatever he was before his eyes started burning. “We’re going to the Land of Ugg to defeat the dark sorcerer who has taken over! Quick, put on the goggles!”

“Okay,” said Katherine shakily, doing as she was bid. “What do we need these for?”

“To protect us from the Tarmukuls,” replied the old man, grabbing her hand and raising his free arm. “Now let’s gooooooooooo!”

He leapt off the ground and hurtled through the air, dragging Katherine right behind him. They crashed through the school roof and soared out into space. The void shimmered with all kinds of colors, from the white of stars, to blue and red clouds. The farther they went, the more colorful it became, until the black disappeared entirely, replaced by gold and red and blue and white. Katherine held on to the eccentric’s hand for dear life, and he seemed to be enjoying this whole thing.

At last, though, the flight came to an end. They landed in a field of grass and rolled across it after they hit the ground. Katherine lay in the grass a moment, catching her breath, looking up toward the sky. She frowned. The sky was pink. In fact, looking around, all the colors were different. The grass was red, there were trees in the distance that were blue, and the clouds were yellow. Katherine had never taken any psychedelic drugs, but she imagined that this would be what the world would look like.

“Come on!” said Walt, who had already sprang to his feet. “We’re needed at the castle!”

“What castle?” Katherine asked as she stood up, looking around. “Don’t you think you could have landed us any closer to it?”

“Of course! But it’s invisible! Only the true of heart may find the entrance to the Castle of Uzuglimakatopoppopridumnislestafeeeeeeeeeeelingsrodan.”

“Right, I’m sure.” She stepped forward, but something suddenly and abruptly stopped her from moving. Bap! She fell to the ground, rubbing where her goggles had pressed against her face.

“You found it!” Walt declared. “You’ve found the Castle Uzuglimakatopoppopridumnislestafeeeeeeeeeeelingsrodan!”

Katherine was just about to ask why it had such a weird name, but everything else was so weird about this trip that she figured it was best not to question things too much. Instead, she just got back to her feet and felt her way along the wall, until she found the doorknob. She turned it and pushed and walked inside.

It looked like an old temple, with columns on both sides and a long walkway in the center. At the very back, on the top of a dais, stood a stone basin that contained a blue flame, the only light in the room. A group of ugly, rotten soldiers stood at the base of the dais, and the most diabolical man that Katherine had ever seen stood at the top of it. He was thin and robed in black, and he turned to her as she entered the hall.

“Ah, Katherine. I thought you might be joining us soon,” he crooned.

“Who are you? What’s going on?” she asked.

“Why, I am the villain. I am … Π. I’m here to steal the Golden Flame and conquer the world. Aren’t you here to stop me?”

“I guess.” She shrugged and walked down the aisle toward him, hands in her pockets.

“Stop!” Π snapped. “One step further and I will unleash my powers upon you!”

Katherine frowned, but stopped. “So how do I stop you, then?”

“By answering my very simple question. But beware! For many have tried to answer it, and none have succeeded! Tell me, Katherine, what is … π?”

Katherine wracked her brains. Despite years of education, she couldn’t think of a good answer. All she knew were the first two digits, and she had the feeling that those would not constitute a sufficient answer. But then a thought occurred to her, and she grinned.

“Pie is a baked dish where the baker uses pastry dough to cover a special ingredient, which is often anything from fruits to nuts.”

A look of fury crossed Π‘s face, but not for long. He pointed his finger at her.

“Curse your puns! Katherine, I swear that you will –” but then he was gone. In his place was a chocolate pie.

His minions let out a shout of glee and dashed forward, quickly devouring the poor pastry. Katherine smiled again, more broadly. She was beginning to enjoy this whole thing. Maybe she’d stay here and figure out this weird world before returning home. Or maybe –

There was a long ringing that caused Katherine to jump just a little. Blinking bleary eyes, she realized that she was lying on her desk, and the class period had just ended. Shoot. And the dream had just been getting good.


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