The Monty Hell Problem

Now that the “Eight” series is done, I’ll be returning to shorter, more random stories. New post every Tuesday. Hope you enjoy!

“Come now, choose! It can’t be that hard of a decision.”

Uriah resisted the urge to glare at the red, demonic face of the being standing next to him. His foot tapped on the stone floor as his not-looking-at-the-spooky-dealer eyes looked up at the two labels at the top of two, reddish doors before which he stood. There, in Comic Sans, were two phrases:

FALL TEN THOUSAND FEET

MISTAKEN FOR EX-WIFE BY PSYCHOPATH

He stroked his chin, but all his thinking was bringing him nowhere. He turned to the red guy.

“Is there a third option?”

The red guy sighed. “You don’t like my options? I thought the second one was a nice touch.”

“Yeah, but do you have anything…better?”

“Well, let’s see….” Red turned to the doors and snapped his fingers. A third door appeared, and shoved the other two to the side so that it had equal space on the wall.

“Ax murdered?” Uriah read. “That’s not much better than the other two. Anything that doesn’t involve me dying?”

“Still not satisfied? Typical. Come on. I did my end of the bargain, now it’s your turn.” He snapped his fingers again, and another door appeared.

ENCEPHALITIS LETHARGICA

Uriah raised an eyebrow. “So the other option is to be in a coma for the rest of my life.”

“At least you get to be a nuisance on society.”

“I suppose. Is there really nothing better?”

“Well, if you have any cash….” said Red out of the side of his mouth.

“If I had money, I wouldn’t have made this deal, now would I? Anyway, what’s money worth to you? What do you need it for?”

“Oh, please! As they say, the love of money is the root of evil.”

Uriah rolled his eyes, and went back to studying the labels.

“Alright, I’ll take ‘mistaken for ex-wife’. That at least sounds entertaining.”

“Oh, it is, it is….” Then he opened the door.

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